I am about to spend my 1st New Year’s Eve in Singapore, and as expected, I am full of expectations. But as usual, as the date gets closer I and closer I become more and more afraid that I'm expecting too much. So in the midst of plans and confusions, loneliness and companions, dreams and reality, I only pray that God will bring us to the place that we wouldn’t regret.
* * *
I'm working half day today, still unsure every time I'm asked how will I celebrate new year later at night. Still full of expectation, still full of doubts. The only way out is to surrender. “I’ll see later,”
All I know that before all the festive commotions that may occur close to midnight, I have to first, have a moment alone with God. I went through alots of ups and downs in 2012, and I realize that was because I did not spend enough time with Him. I have to ask for mercy, I have to get my relationship with Him fixed and renewed. I need to clean 2012 up. So I go home, no one’s there, it's pouring rain the whole day, it feels peaceful somehow. And it looks like the right time to pray.
* * *
So I do. I lay my life down before Him again, surrendering all, basically. And my soul is healed, miraclously. I opened my eyes, along 2012, I had never felt better, had never felt such peace, had never been so ready to face the world or tomorrow. And I should have done this earlier, much earlier. It feels good when God is number one again.
* * *
It looks like my companion for new year's eve will be the ex-roommate. We have a longgggg dinner I tell you, talking about how life has changed since high school. And we both decide that we’ll spend the special occasion in the house of God. “We will probably feel less lonely there,” I told her. Half joking. You guest the other half. It may sound like a very low-key way to celebrate new year (will be proven wrong), and others will be out with their significant others doing stuff under the stars and fireworks, probably there will be only us there (wrong again). But we both feel like it is the right decision. And I believe God is answering my prayer earlier that day.
* * *
And we're surprised. There are lots of people. Lots of friends, even the ones with boyfriends or girlfrend, I salute you for choosing to spend the moment at the house of God. And I can tell you, it's a blast. After the precious moment I had with God earlier in the afternoon, I feel at ease. And as we're approaching the first second of 2013, we're asked to join our hands and hearts in prayer, something happens. I feel an overwhelming presence of God. That means an overwhelming flow of joy, love, assurance.
Then I open my eyes, it's already 2013. Apparently everyone else also is in tears of joy. Every heart in the room is filled with so much love. And I don't want to be anywhere else but here now, in His presence.
* * *
It is a new beginning. Sorely cliché but undeniably true. 2013 is gonnabe more awesome, spectacular, full of God's favor, packed with blessings, and I'm glad we end and start the new year, in the house of God.
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